


The Intrinsic Properties of the Human Heart

by mismatched_ideas



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Arguments, Chubby Katsuki Yuuri, DANCER!YUURI, Dancing, Depressed Victor Nikiforov, Drunken Flirting, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Getting to Know Each Other, Gossip, M/M, Politics, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Lovers, Victuuri Big Bang 2017, prince!Viktor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-25 19:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12539724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mismatched_ideas/pseuds/mismatched_ideas
Summary: “Yuuri, can I tell you something?” She breathed, her words only loud enough for Yuuri to hear.“Of course.”“I know I have to do this but I don’t want to.”“You don’t have to,” Yuuri told her despite the fact that they both knew it was a lie.---Yuuri Katsuki is just another dancer from Hasetsu, a small southern region that most people have never heard of. But with invaders threatening from the south, he and his troop head to the capital in the hopes of winning the Prince's favor and his hand.





	1. Little Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the 2017 Victuri Big Bang and I'm so excited! The lovely artist spot-of-paint on tumblr has made art for this story and once they post it I'll be linking it to the appropriate chapters! 
> 
> Go check out their tumblr or mine, mismatched-ideas, later on if you want to just link directly to the art.

Yuuri wasn’t used to being the one to comfort someone else, especially not Yuuko. But while they waited for their audience with the prince, Yuuko seemed to barely be holding it together.

“Yuuri, can I tell you something?” She breathed, her words only loud enough for Yuuri to hear.

“Of course.”

“I know I have to do this but I don’t want to.”

“You don’t have to,” Yuuri told her despite the fact that they both knew it was a lie.

“I’m the only eligible Lady in Hasetsu and we need protection.” She smiled but it was forced and lacked the mirth usual present in her smiles. “I know I have to do this but I just wanted to tell someone how I felt.”

“Yuuko…” Yuuri felt wholly unprepared to help Yuuko right now because she wasn’t wrong, Hasetsu needed protection from The Crown. But he still didn’t think she should have to do this. He didn’t think she should have to give up her home, her family, and the man she was planning to marry. 

The thing was Hasetsu was small and didn’t have much to offer to The King. They were sworn to King Yakov and were technically promised protection. That said, nobody in Hasetsu was naive to think they weren’t The Crown’s last priority. Until now, it hadn’t mattered much but now there were attackers approaching from the south and it wouldn’t be long before Hasetsu was completely taken over. The King would defeat the invaders before they could get much farther but by then it would most likely be too late for Hasetsu.

Hasetsu was terrified, trying to figure out how to protect itself or find a way to get the attention of The Capital. Then, like a gift from heaven, King Yakov announced that if any region could put forward a suitor who could enchant The Crown Prince, then the region would be granted whatever they needed or wanted. 

So Earl Celestino called together his best dancers to offer the hand of Yuuko. Dance was really the only thing Hasetsu had to offer that was interesting and Celestino hoped it would catch The Crown Prince’s eye. Personally, Yuuri couldn’t imagine a way that The Crown Prince could say no to Yuuko. She was beautiful, graceful, and smart and Yuuri couldn’t imagine anyone who would better than her. 

The problem was, Yuuko already had a suitor who would have soon become a fiancé if not for The King’s message. Takeshi and Yuuko had been best friends since childhood and they had been so close to taking the next step toward marriage when their perfect future was shattered.

Yuuri knew Yuuko would never protest, would never say no to protecting her people, but he wasn’t sure he could let her do this. He knew he should care more about all the people who’d be hurt by the invaders if they didn’t get protection but he just couldn’t think about that. Their entire town being destroyed by the invaders was likely but not certain whereas this marriage ruining Yuuko’s life was a certainty.

“Yuuko, I’m sure things will be alright.” Earl Celestino had left them alone to go introduce their dancer troupe to The Crown Prince and his ‘court,’ if you could even call it that. From what Yuuri had heard it was more a collection of the kids of nobles who would one day make up The Crown Prince’s — well he’d be king then — court.

He hated the thought of dancing in front of these people and having them judge him. He wasn’t completely comfortable with the amount of bare skin that showed from the outfits they wore, especially since he wasn’t as skinny as he knew was fashionable now. His parents talked about how it used to be that being skinny was the fashion of only the poor but when King Yakov took power he did a much better job of distributing food so nobody was hungry. Once people had enough food, skinny was in. Yuuri and his family, along with a lot of Hasetsu, found that once they had plenty of food they gained weight easily, which Yuuri’s parents didn’t seem to mind but now Yuuri wasn’t so sure he agreed. He knew they’d judge him for his weight and he really didn’t ask for that.

“Yuuri?” Yuuko was looking at Yuuri worriedly now and he smiled at her.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re thinking too hard again, aren’t you?” Yuuri tried to defend himself but she just shook her head. “You’re going to do great. I mean, who knows, maybe you’ll catch The Prince’s eye more than me.”

She laughed but that gave Yuuri an idea. It was a bad idea but it was an idea anyway, one that included upstaging not just his fellow background dancer, Minami, but also upstaging the main act.

This was a bad idea and he had no idea what he was doing but...

He knew three things: he loved dogs, he loved dancing, and he’d choose his best friend over his town any day. 

\---

When they finally stepped out of the bright room where they performed for The Prince, Yuuri let his hands run through his hair as he tried to catch his breath.

He wasn’t going to have a panic attack here.

Except everyone from Hasetsu was looking at him like he’d lost his mind. Well, Yuuko and Minami were looking at him like that. Celestino was looking at him like he’d doomed them all because _he had_. He wished he could go back in time and hit the past him who decided to make himself the center of attention.

Yuuri found his robe and put it on slowly, taking his glasses out of the pocket they were in and sliding them onto his face. He regretted that choice immediately because now he could clearly see how disappointed Celestino looked and how horrified Minami and Yuuko were.

“Yuuri, what in the world happened out there?” Celestino was the first to speak.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me,” Yuuri lied. “I’m sorry. I knew you should have brought Phichit.”

“Yuuri I–”

“Earl Celestino.” Someone called, cutting the man off as he looked quizzically at the man who called his name.

“Yes?”

“The Crown Prince wants you to return along with him.” He pointed at Yuuri, who suddenly felt faint. What could The Prince want with him?

“Come on, Yuuri,” Celestino said, Yuuko taking Yuuri’s robe and giving him a small smile before pushing him in Celestino’s direction. 

What had he done?”

\---

Now that he was wearing his glasses, having forgotten to take them off, the room he’d just been in was no longer a blur of bright lights to Yuuri’s eyes. Now that he could see how many people were in this room staring at him, he really wished he’d taken his glasses back off.

Including guards, there were thirteen people in the room. Six of them were guards who didn’t seem interested in Yuuri, which he was glad for. The rest were a mix of future Ladies and Lords of The Crown Prince’s court.

Near the door, Yuuri came through there were three women whispering to each other behind their hands. One had dark hair and one had red hair and they seemed to be very into whatever they were talking about. Yuuri suspected it was him, given how intense their gazes were. The last woman wasn’t whispering to the others but she was looking pointedly at Yuuri while listening to her companions.

Near them was a grumpy looking man who looked a lot like the dark-haired woman. Yuuri couldn’t tell if the grumpy look was directed at him or not but he feared it was. 

On the other side of the room, there was a blond who was making a face at Yuuri that made him deeply uncomfortable even if he was glad he obviously didn’t care about Yuuri’s weight.

Near him was a man and woman, the man talking animatedly to the woman next to him, with his voice occasionally raising high enough for her to shush him even though she seemed deeply enthralled by his words. Yuuri couldn’t say for sure the man was talking about him, but he wasn’t looking away from Yuuri so it seemed likely.

By himself was a man with dark hair who was the only person not looking at Yuuri and instead had his eyes on the woman who wasn’t whispering and who was pointedly _not_ looking back at him.

Finally, were the two grand chairs directly in front of Yuuri. On one was the younger prince, who was lounging in a way that was not exactly princely, while looking at Yuuri like he was a fly who he wanted to kill. Next to him was the person who ate up most of Yuuri attention partially because he was the person in charge in this room and partially because he was also the kind of person who drew your eye.

His hair was short, platinum blond and Yuuri guessed it had been cut recently since all the rumors about The Crown Prince talked about his long hair. His eyes were blue and while most of the stories Yuuri had heard talked about how soft and comforting they were, and how beautiful, now they seemed cold and calculating. His gaze was sharp enough that Yuuri was afraid he’d start bleeding from the look alone. 

Celestino bowed and Yuuri quickly followed his example, almost tripping as he did. He heard a few giggles move quietly through the room and Yuuri felt his face heat up. This was why he hated doing anything in front of other people. He always managed to screw up and it only made him feel worse about himself than he already did. 

“Crown Prince Viktor,” Celestion said, still bowing. “Did we do something to upset you?”

“No, nothing like that.” The Prince was smiling at the two men but when Yuuri glanced up at him he found the smile a disturbingly unhappy sight. Nothing like the warm smile in stories. Even though it was an unhappy and almost cruel smile, Yuuri couldn’t quite disagree with the gossip that said it was breathtakingly beautiful. His mind wandered for a moment as he thought about how much nicer the smile would be if the sharp edge of unhappiness was dulled. “I simply wanted to speak to you both. Please rise.”

Yuuri and Celestino stood up straight, Yuuri wishing he’d left his robe on because when he wasn’t moving this room became very cold.

“You’re from the Haset Region?” He asked and Yuuri had to stop himself from raising an eyebrow. Didn’t he remember where they were from? It had only been a few minutes ago that they were introduced.

“Aah, Hasetsu.” Celestion corrected, doing his best to not sound like he was correcting royalty.

“Hasetsu, of course.” The Crown Prince’s smile became a little vaguer as he waved a hand in front of his face. “And what were you asking us for?”

“Protection, Your Highness. There are enemies approaching from the south and we fear we’ll be overtaken without protection.”

The Prince nodded, before smiling at his younger brother. “Yura, wouldn’t it be fun to have this dancer back for our party later.”

The younger prince glared at Prince Viktor. “Do whatever the fuck you want.”

“Yura, watch your language.” Prince Viktor puffed out his cheeks at his brother, pouting, before turning back to smile at Yuuri and Celestino. “Sorry about him. You know how teenagers are.”

Yuuri felt like there was something a little bit off about The Crown Prince. Like everything he said was said a little too slowly or that his voice was too airy. And on top of that odd feeling, he couldn’t help but be uncomfortable with how un-royal both princes seemed. They both gave off the feeling of two kids playing make-believe instead of real flesh-and-blood royalty. 

“It’s of no concern, Your Highness,” Celestino said, though Yuuri could tell he was uncomfortable too.

“I have a party later.” Viktor explained, “But parties are boring without entertainment. That’s why I want your dancer here to return later as that entertainment.” Celestino blinked at The Crown Prince for a beat too long and Prince Viktor’s smile dropped. “Is something the matter with that?”

“No, Your Highness, nothing.” Celestino was quick to say, “I was just not expecting that… request.”

This should have been Yuuko, not Yuuri, and Yuuri knew he was screwed. Yuuko was supposed to get a second audience then charm Prince Viktor, eventually winning his hand. Now Yuuri would be sent instead as a simple amusement for these people then Hasetsu would be doomed.

“Well, it wasn’t a request.” Prince Viktor smiled at Yuuri and, again, there was little happiness in it. This time it looked almost insulting. “I expect to see you tonight. My people will be sure to direct you to the party. You two are dismissed.”

“Thank you, Your Highness.” Celestino bowed again and Yuuri followed suit before they both left and Yuuri realized he’d not only said nothing the entire time, but he hadn’t even been introduced.


	2. One Hundred Little Mistakes

“Yuuri, you’re going to be fine.” Yuuko smiled at Yuuri, putting her hands on his shoulders. “What’s the worst that could happen.”

Yuuri was tempted to explain all the worst-case scenarios he’d come up within the last minute alone but resisted. Yuuko was just trying to help and didn’t need to hear his negativity. She could definitely already feel it as it radiated off him in unhappy waves of anxiety.

“I’m an idiot, what do I think I’m doing? They’re probably just going to make fun of me.” Yuuri was starting to feel sick. “Did you see them all? They were all so tall and skinny. They’re probably just going to make fun of me for being short and fat.”

“Yuuri.” Yuuko’s mouth was a thin line. “What have I told you a million times?” Yuuri mumbled a response but Yuuko only raised an eyebrow. “I can’t hear you.”

“My height and weight don’t affect my worth as a person,” Yuuri answered begrudgingly, even if he was glad to have a friend like Yuuko. 

“And guess what?” She smiled widely and pulled him into a tight hug. “You’re the best dancer in Hasetsu, no, in this entire country and you’re going to show them all why they need to help protect Hasetsu.”

Yuuri smiled weakly at Yuuko as she let go of him. “Thanks.”

“What’re friends for?” She pulled off his glasses before spinning him around towards the door, “Now go show them what a real party looks like.”

She pushed him away from her and he tried to believe what she’d told him even if she felt like it was impossible.

\---

 _One dance done._ Yuuri thought, catching his breath on the side of the room while people milled around him.

He felt bare and cold in his dance clothes, which left him bare-chested except for a few thin, decorative chains of gold. The bottoms were black shorts that were snug around his body and a short, red skirt that felt to his knee on one side and was barely longer than a belt on the other.

Hasetsu had a clashing sort of culture that made it a beautiful place to live and dance.

Part of the culture was that of the cold Northeast since that’s where a lot of the original settlers of the region were from. That meant thick clothes and slow movement made to maximize body heat but minimize sweat.

Yuuri was wishing they’d gone with those dances because it was cold here.

The other part of the culture, the part they’d chosen for this performance, was from the south where many of the new residents were from. Because of the Hasetsu region’s hotter climate, those dances were prominent. Whereas the northern dances involved cloth that covered your entire body, usually in a blue color that Yuuri liked quite a bit, southern dances usually involved costumes with very little cloth, with a lot of red and gold.

The dances themselves involved a lot of movement and Yuuri found he sweat a lot during them, which he hated. He especially hated it when it was cold like this and now he was standing, shivering and alone.

Suddenly, a thick blanket dropped onto his shoulders and a glass was pushed into his hand. When Yuuri looked at the source, he found it was the blond man he’d seen earlier.

“Never caught your name, little dancer.”

“Umm… Yuuri Katsuki.” He responded, not sure what to make of the blond.

“I’m Christophe.” He winked at Yuuri, which made him blush and look down at the drink in his hand. “You should have some, it’ll make you feel warmer. And you won’t be as stiff out there.”

Yuuri did as he was told, realizing belatedly that it was alcoholic.

“I’m not sure if drinking is a good idea.” He pointed out.

“Nonsense, it’s a great idea.” Christophe took Yuuri’s empty cup and replaced it with another full cup. “And once you’re loosened up a little, maybe you should try asking The Prince to dance. He’s quite a dancer even if he doesn’t say it.”

“But we don’t know any of the same dances.” Yuuri considered his options that drank the second drink. “What is this?”

“The strongest drink in these parts.” He winked again, “If you’re measuring by normal standards I’d say you just had six drinks.”

Yuuri blinked at Christophe, who was offering him another drink. “Want to make that nine?”

“I don’t know…”

Christophe shrugged then moved to down the drink himself, just as Yuuri realized it was time for him to dance again. Without thinking, he plucked the drink out of Christophe’s hands and downed the entire thing before heading back out onto the now empty dance floor and beginning his next dance.

\---

At some point, Yuuri had two more of those drinks even though Christophe, he’d told Yuuri to call him Chris, told him he should probably slow down. The thing that Chris hadn’t know what that when Yuuri drank, he became a lot pushier.

And that might have been why he asked– no, _challenged_ the younger prince to dance. Yuuri had won, only to find out afterward that when Chris said to ask The Prince to dance, he’d meant The Crown Prince.

But Yuuri knew he was too drunk because at one point he suddenly realized he had no idea when he got back on the dance floor and when he started sweating so hard. Sure, he’d been sweating before but he didn’t remember when he became this drenched. He didn’t remember much between challenging the younger prince to dance and right now when he was alone on the floor again and in the middle of his final dance.

When he finished, his mind starting to clear a little bit though as he was still definitely drunk, he bowed deeply and waited. After a long moment of silence, The Crown Prince started clapping, everyone in the room following suit for much longer than Yuuri was accustomed to.

Once the room was nearly silent again, The Crown Prince spoke.

“Please rise, Yuuri Katsuki.” When did he learn his name? Had Christophe told him? “You have impressed us all tonight and I have made a decision.” Yuuri wasn’t wearing his glasses so he couldn’t really see Prince Viktor’s face but his voice sounded genuinely happy. Was Yuuri’s performance really so fascinating to him? “I think I’ll be taking you as my betrothed.”

Yuuri blinked at the fuzzy shape of The Crown Prince, feeling his stomach drop farther than he’d previously assumed was possible. 

In that moment, he nearly fainted.


	3. A Strange New Setting

“Trying to leave without me?” Yuuri jumped at the voice behind him but still turned with a smile.

“Phichit.” Yuuri opened his arms to let his best friend come and hug him. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I doubt that.” Phichit smiled but it was a strained look as he sat on the edge of Yuuri’s bed. “How are you feeling. And don’t say ‘fine’ because I know you’re not.”

“I’m really fine, Phichit,” Yuuri insisted. “It’s just hard to think I’m leaving you all.”

“Let me come with you,” Phichit said, standing. “I’m sure you’re allowed to bring a few people if you want.”

“No Phichit.” Yuuri couldn’t imagine uprooting anyone else. He already had to go, why should his friend or family have to do the same? “You have your family and a fiancé. You can’t just leave.”

“I don’t want you to be alone.” Phichit looked at Yuuri sympathetically, using a look that made Yuuri angry when it was on anyone else’s face. Phichit was the only one who was allowed to because for as much as the look seemed like pity, on Phichit’s face Yuuri knew it wasn’t.

“I won’t be alone,” Yuuri laughed bitterly. “I’ll have my fiancé and his court-to-be.”

“Yuuri…” Phichit pulled Yuuri into another hug, “You don’t have to do this.”

“It’s for Hasetsu.” He whispered, “It’s to protect you all.”

“Yuuri…” Phichit pulled away to look into his friend’s eyes. “You don’t have to start acting like a hero now.”

“I’m not trying to, Phichit.” Yuuri smiled faintly. “It’s just what I have to do now. And who knows? Maybe Prince Viktor isn’t actually…”

“Rude?” Phichit raised an eyebrow. He’d heard Yuuri’s stories and had made his own conclusions about The Crown Prince. “Insensitive? Selfish?”

“What I’m saying is maybe he just seemed like that.” Yuuri shrugged, turning back to his packing. “I’ll be fine.”

“I know you will be.” Phichit smiled at his friend’s back. “Because you’re the strongest person I know.”

\---

“Your room is next to mine.” Prince Viktor smiled at the uncomfortable looking Yuuri, opening a door and revealing a small entryway with three more doors. “I’m on the left and you’re on the right. The door in the middle is just a storage room.”

Yuuri was surprised by how large the mansion Prince Viktor lived in was because it wasn’t the main house. He apparently lived here with the other children of nobles while King Yakov and some of his court lived in the main house. Some Lords and Ladies had their own manors but apparently The King liked to keep his court close. 

Yuuri felt a little odd having not known this about his own King and Crown Prince but Hasetsu was a long way away from the capital and it wasn’t like Yuuri was a lord or anything like that. He was simply a dancer and a close friend with Hasetsu’s ruling family.

“Now, Yuuri, if you need anything you can always just come knock on my door.” Prince Viktor was still smiling the same too big smile Yuuri had seen when they first met. “Or even better, just come in! It’s always unlocked so you can just come in and ask for whatever.”

“Thank you.” Yuuri murmured, turning away from The Prince and heading towards his room.

“Yuuri, where are you going? We need to finish the tour and get to know each other.” Prince Viktor reached out and grabbed onto Yuuri’s arm, the other man flinching away a little at his touch which seemed to confuse The Prince.

“I need to put my stuff away,” Yuuri said, still not looking at Prince Viktor. Mostly, he didn’t want to have to face the smile that made him sure that soon enough The Prince would tire of him and he’d be thrown away. “But I guess a tour would be… helpful. For later.”

“Great! Then let’s go.” He grabbed Yuuri’s arm again, pulling him towards the door. “I’ll show you the baths and then the kitchen. You have a bathroom in your room with a shower and everything but we have baths if you like that better. I know some people are awkward about using public baths but they’re really nice.”

Yuuri let himself be dragged along, only half listening to Prince Viktor as he talked. Yuuri hardly felt uncomfortable in public baths because even with the heat of Hasetsu, his family still ran a successful hot springs business.

Winters in Hasetsu were by no means cold, but they got cool enough to make the hot water feel great. On top of that, a lot of nobles liked to escape the more extreme cold of the north for the warmer winters in the south. Even though Hasetsu as a region was near the bottom when it came to land, money, notoriety, and, really, everything, it still had some dedicated guests. The Ji family from the far north was probably their most notable example, thought Yuuri suspected a lot of those visits were driven more by the Ji’s eldest son’s fascination with a local dancer who was young but good. Guang Hong Ji came every winter for at least a week, but usually much longer, and would come to every show Yuuri’s trope put on and would watch Leo de la Iglesia with eyes full of wonder and amazement.

“Yuuri?” Prince Viktor smiled at Yuuri but looked a little concerned. “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing.” He shook his head. “Just thinking about the hot springs back home.”

“Hot springs! That sounds amazing!” Yuuri was a little taken aback by how excited The Prince seemed about everything he had to say. He also wasn’t sure whether he should believe his enthusiasm or not. “Tell me more about your home. Does everyone there dance?”

“Aah, no.” Yuuri laughed anxiously, following Prince Viktor into what seemed to be some sort of greenhouse. “Dancing is a tradition but not everyone does it.”

“Those dancers you came with, were you dating either of them?”

Yuuri gaped at Prince Viktor, his face turning red as his brain seemed to short circuit. Finally, he found words, his voice panicky as he spoke.

“No! Not at all!”

“Did you have a girlfriend at home?” Prince Viktor asked, leaning closer to Yuuri. “Or a boyfriend?”

“No!” Yuuri turned suddenly, heading out of the room and in the direction he thought his room was. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

Prince Viktor was left alone in the greenery, blinking after the retreating figure of the person he was to marry. The person, he thought, wanted to marry him but maybe… maybe he’d misunderstood?

With a sigh, The Prince’s smile dropped and he headed in the direction Yuuri went to make sure he didn't get lost.

“Yuuri.” He called out when he rounded a corner and found the young man looking lost. “I can show you back to your room.”

“Oh… thank you.”

The entire way back, Yuuri kept his head down and his mouth closed. He found it odd that Prince Viktor didn’t try to make any small talk but was a little glad for it even though he was concerned about The Prince’s lack of smile.

Yuuri knew Prince Viktor would tire of him but this seemed too soon, even with how horrible Yuuri had been acting.

“Yuuri,” Prince Viktor didn’t reach out to touch Yuuri when they got back to their rooms even though he wanted to. “If you don’t want to marry me, I’m not going to force you.”

“Oh… well, that’s considerate of you.” Yuuri wished he could take The Prince up on the offer to end things because Yuuri knew he was way in over his head. The Prince was too much for someone like him, someone so unused to the life he’d be expected to live from now on.

“Just think on it, okay? I do want us to get to know each other before you make a choice.” Prince Viktor smiled and this time Yuuri felt himself blush at how real it seemed. It was a slight, almost tired smile but Yuuri thought it might be the first real smile he’d seen from The Prince and it felt… nice.

“Of course, Prince.”

“Good night, Yuuri.” The Prince said with a wave, opening his own door.

“Good night.” Yuuri waved back watching Prince Viktor’s door swing closed before he realized that there was something oddly warm swimming in his stomach, something a lot different from the anxiety he’d been dealing with, that he couldn’t quite place.

Yuuri hoped he figured it out soon.

\---

_Dearest Phichit,_

_My first week in The Prince’s mansion has been strange._

_The Prince is much different than I expected him to be but I have a hard time understanding his motives. Sometimes he is open and nice and then other times he acts like I described him acting during our first meeting._

_I don’t know what to make of him at all._

_I’m sorry this letter isn’t longer, but moving is tiring and all I want to do it sleep. I’ll send more next week._

_With Love,  
Yuuri_


	4. Set Me Ablaze

Yuuri woke to something heavy on top of him and internally, he thought this might as well be how he died. That thought was cut off and replaced by confusion when the thing started _licking_ him.

“What the–?” He sat up, opening his eyes to find a dog sitting on his bed. Or, more accurately, on him. “Where…?”

The dog was a large brown poodle and was looking at Yuuri expectantly as if he had something to give the dog.

“Where did you come from?” Yuuri inquired, reaching out to pet the dog.

Looking around he found nobody that could have brought the dog to his room but his door was slightly ajar. Had someone lead the dog here and let them loose into Yuuri’s room? With what purpose? He hadn’t told anyone here that he loved dogs so it couldn’t have been a gesture of goodwill. Did someone think he hated dogs? But that begged the question, who was trying to make him unhappy?

“Where’s your owner baby?” Yuuri asked the dog, who only rolled onto their back and yipped good-naturedly at Yuuri. “You’re a good dog, aren’t you?”

The dog was soft and seemed content to lay on Yuuri’s bed and be pet even though Yuuri was a complete stranger. For his part, Yuuri didn’t mind the company on this cold fall morning. He’d been here for a week and a half and felt no less confused and alone. The Prince continued to be simultaneously open and aloof, none of the other people living here seemed interested in talking to Yuuri except for Chris who mostly flirted with Yuuri, and Yuuri had found the only people who were nice were the people who worked at the mansion but he knew they were only nice because they had to be.

“Who’s a sweet baby? Who’s a smart baby?” Yuuri cooed, smiling wider as the dog wagged their tail. “Maybe I’m dead and you’re here to take me to the afterlife?”

“Makkachin!” A voice shouted, Yuuri’s door suddenly banging open to reveal a disheveled Prince Viktor. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, only what looked like sweatpants, and was a bit wild-eyed.

At The Prince’s voice, Makkachin rolled over and barked, but didn’t move from Yuuri’s bed.

“Traitor.” The Prince said, but there was a small smile on his lips before he looked at Yuuri. “I’m sorry if she’s bothering you. If my door is closed she doesn’t try to leave but I didn’t realize I left my door open last night and… well she learned how to open doors last year.”

“Oh, you are a smart baby.” Yuuri murmured to the dog, Makkachin. “A smart, pretty baby girl.” Yuuri finally turned to smile up at Prince Viktor. “She isn’t bothering me. I love dogs.”

“Really?” He seemed to let out a sigh of relief. “I kept meaning to introduce her to you, but in case you didn’t like dogs I was worried about doing it too early. I didn’t want to make your move worse.”

“The move wasn’t that bad.” Yuuri’s voice was quiet, his eyes back on Makkachin.

“I didn’t mean that it was,” The Prince insisted anxiously.

He fell silent and after a moment Yuuri looked up and saw that he was standing awkwardly in the doorframe, looking uncomfortable and uncertain.

“If you want to come in, you can,” Yuuri offered. “Makkachin doesn’t seem to want to move.”

Prince Viktor laughed, “I guess you’re right.”

He came and sat on the edge of Yuuri’s bed, reaching out to pet Makkachin as well.

“Did you leave a dog back home?”

“No.” Yuuri shook his head. “I had a dog like Makkachin when I was little, but he’s passed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I miss him.” Yuuri shrugged. “But it’s been years.”

“He was a good friend, I’m sure.”

“Yah…”

Yuuri remembered his little brown dog who might have been called Fudge because Yuuri named him when he was six. He’d been Yuuri’s only friend for a while because he and Yuuko might have been friends, but she was busy a lot of the time. Phichit was Yuuri’s friend too, but his family moved to Hasetsu when Yuuri was ten. The years of being eight to ten were hard for Yuuri because he felt very isolated, with only his sister and his dog to keep him company.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Prince Viktor asked, making Makkachin jump up even though the question had been more for Yuuri.

Laughing, Yuuri nodded but suggested they both get dressed. This was mostly because if Yuuri had to look at The Prince’s bare chest for any long he wasn’t going to be able to keep himself from blushing.

\---

“Favorite color.” The Prince asked as they walked Makkachin through the extensive gardens behind the mansion.

“Blue.” Yuuri thought for a moment but didn’t come up with a better question. “Same question.”

“Pink!” The Prince smiled then frowned dramatically. “No, purple…” He groaned and Yuuri couldn’t help but smile. “I don’t know.”

“If you don’t pick, you lose your next question.”

Viktor had been the one to suggest they play this game of asking questions. He said he and the other noble children used to play it when they were younger but it was never very interesting because they all knew each other too well. Yuuri had agreed to the game, remembering playing a similar game with Phichit when they first hung out because Yuuri was too shy to really start conversation and even at six, Phichit had been a people person.

“Fine! Pink.” He pouted, the expression cute and surprisingly natural on his face. “What was your dog’s name?”

“Uh…” Yuuri blushed, “Fudge.”

“Fudge?”

“Yah.” He looked at his feet, waiting to be made fun of.

“That’s so cute, Yuuri!” He exclaimed, making Yuuri blink at him. “You’re really cute.”

“Prince, that’s–”

“Come on, Yuuri, call me Viktor,” Viktor whined, interrupting Yuuri while also draping himself over the other man.

“But you’re the prince.” Yuuri countered uncertainly, trying and failing to suppress his blush at the sudden contact. 

“But we’re going to get married!” Yuuri blushed even deeper, anxiety churning in his stomach at The Prince’s simple statement of the facts. “And nobody around here calls me Prince unless we’re in an official setting.”

“I don’t know…”

“Please.” His face was close to Yuuri’s, who smiled and sighed.

“Fine, Viktor.”

\---

“It’s so soft!” Viktor exclaimed, looking at himself in the mirror wearing Yuuri’s dancing attire for more formal, Northern style dances. It was a dark blue kimono that was one of Yuuri’s favorites. “And warm. I thought you were from the south.”

“I am,” Yuuri explained, glad he offered for Viktor to try on the garment. When it came to the traditional southern garb that was in no way one size fits all, but the kimono was easy to put on all different body types. “But Hasetsu was settled by people from both the north and south. The southern culture usually takes precedent because of the climate, but we still hold onto a lot of the northern traditions. Especially my family, since our bloodline can be directly linked to the first northern settlers.”

“It’s already getting colder here,” Viktor remarked, looking at Yuuri hopefully. “Maybe you could show me some of these dances sometimes?”

“Maybe.” Yuuri nodded because it was getting colder and he would use any excuse he could to wear the northern style garments he brought.

“Oh, I hope you do! Your dancing is enchanting.”

Yuuri blushed, looking away from the smiling Viktor. When he did that, Viktor’s smile dropped as he tried to figure out what he’d done wrong. Yuuri had been here for a month now and every time he thought he and Yuuri were getting closer and that the other man was getting more comfortable, Yuuri would close up. Viktor just had no idea what to make of Yuuri and wondered if maybe it would be the best to just break this off before things got too serious.

Or maybe Yuuri just needed Viktor to be a little more forward. After all, the night they met, Viktor thought he’d made it very clear how he felt.

“I’m really not that great,” Yuuri said, busying himself with looking through other clothes. “I mean, Minami is a little inconsistent still because he’s young but he’s amazing. And we have another dancer named Leo who has a real future in dancing–”

Viktor suddenly wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s middle, Yuuri barely keeping in a screech of surprise at the action.

“Yuuri, you shouldn’t sell yourself short. The way you move is breathtaking.”

Yuuri pulled away from Viktor, sending himself forward onto the bed where he decided maybe he should just stay forever. At least then Viktor wouldn’t be able to see the deep blush on his face.

“Yuuri? Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Was Yuuri’s muffled response. “You surprised me.”

“Sorry, Yuuri!” Viktor laughed but Yuuri could tell it was his fake laugh and he could bet that Viktor’s fake smile was back. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Yuuri forced himself to get off the bed because he knew he’d, at the very least, have to help Viktor out of the kimono.

“Don’t worry about it,” Yuuri mumbled, refusing to look at Viktor.

Viktor didn’t notice, though, because he wasn’t looking at Yuuri and instead grimacing at the floor, wondering what he’d misunderstood.

\---

“Yuuri, you have to get out of bed,” Viktor said from the other side of Yuuri’s door. “If you don’t then I’m going to come in and pull you out of bed.”

When Yuuri only sent him a groan, Viktor sighed and pushed open Yuuri’s, thankfully, unlocked door to find that Yuuri had two pillows covering his head as well as three blankets and a comforter.

“Yuuri, you’re the one who said we should take walks in the morning.”

“It’s early.” Yuuri groaned, “And cold. How do you people live in such a cold place?”

Yuuri had been here for almost two months and it just kept getting colder and colder even though it was only fall.

“I’m sorry, they don’t turn on the heat until the official start of winter.”

“You’re rich and powerful, can’t you afford some heat?”

“We need to conserve resources.” Viktor put a hand on his hip, looking at the pile of bedding that was, technically, his fiancé. “I’m going to count to three and if you’re not up by then I’m going to drag you out of bed.”

“Viktor, please it’s too early.”

“One.”

“Past me was stupid and wrong.”

“Two.”

“Yuuri back then was foolhardy.”

“One.”

Yuuri let out a long groan then kicked his blankets off, throwing a pillow in Viktor’s direction that missed by a mile, which just made Viktor laugh.

“Happy?” Yuuri asked, still lying in bed but now uncovered and shivering.

“Zero,” Viktor said, rushing over to the bed and pulling Yuuri out of the bed as he protested loudly. “Sorry Yuuri, but you weren’t out of bed. It’s just the rules.”

Yuuri was laughing by the time Viktor go him to his feet, tears coming out of his eyes as he did. Without thinking, he leaned his face into Viktor’s shoulder, who let go of Yuuri’s wrists as he turned red. His own laughter petered out as he found himself swimming in Yuuri’s smell, his heart speeding up more than he’d ever felt it do before.

“I hate you, you know that?” Yuuri muttered, pushing away from Viktor as he rubbed his eyes. “Now let me get dressed.”

Viktor nodded, turning and escaping the room quickly so that Yuuri wouldn’t see him blush. Only then did Yuuri realize what he’d done and how close he’d been to Viktor. He felt himself blush but also smile, liking how much more comfortable he was with Viktor. Viktor rarely laughed in that unsettlingly fake way and never gave Yuuri more than a couple of fake smiles anymore.

Yuuri knew he might have overstepped their bounds by getting so close to the other man but…

Well, he didn’t think he regretted it.

\---

Lord Leroy, or JJ as he told Yuuri to call him, was currently telling Yuuri something about his impressive bloodline but Yuuri had lost him after about three generations of names and ‘grand deeds.’ JJ seemed like a nice enough guy but Yuuri wasn’t sure he’d ever been given a real lesson in how conversation worked. Even his fiancé, who insisted Yuuri call her Isabella without giving him so much as a choice in the matter, seemed to not be listening but Yuuri suspected that was because she’d heard this many times before.

All Yuuri could really gather from his speech was that the Leroy family was almost the family who took the throne but King Yakov had been the one to unite not just royalty but also the people and so the Leroy’s gladly let him take the throne instead.

Yuuri wasn’t completely sure what the purpose of the party tonight was but he knew he’d be expected to dance. And because Viktor had asked to see the traditional northern dance style, Yuuri was currently dressed in his blue kimono and, to be honest, he was glad for it.

Even with the small room filled with people at a party, the room was still cold and Yuuri was currently trying his best not shiver. Also, he didn’t care for the looks he got when he went to the baths. He could feel the judgment of the stupidly skinny and tall lords and he didn’t need that. Yuuri might be self-conscious of how he looked but that didn’t mean he was ashamed. He might worry that Viktor only liked him in spite of how he looked but that, again, didn’t mean he was ashamed of himself. 

Before he could attempt to escape the conversation with JJ using the excuse that he needed to get ready to dance, Chris appeared at his elbow.

“Sorry Jean, I’m going to steal Yuuri for now.”

“That’s fine, Chris.” JJ smiled, “Yuuri, we’ll have to talk more later.”

“Of course.” Yuuri waved a goodbye to JJ and Isabella, following Chris. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere without Jean.”

“You don’t need to be mean,” Yuuri said, sensing Chris wanted to say something particularly rude about the lord. “He was just talking.”

“Fine, whatever, be a nice guy.” Chris waved Yuuri away, “That’s not important. What’s important right now is that I have a question for you.”

“What?” Yuuri raised an eyebrow at him.

Chris smiled wickedly at him then produced two glasses seemingly out of nowhere. “You want a drink?”

\---

“Viktor, you can walk without putting all your weight on me,” Yuuri complained, trying to get a drunk Viktor back to his room without him taking off any more clothes.

“But I like being near you.” He said, his words only a little slurred but definitely too loud. “And you’re so good at walking.”

“Thanks, Viktor.” Yuuri rolled his eyes, “Should the crown prince really get this drunk?”

“I can do what I want!” He shouted and Yuuri shushed him. When he continued it was in a comically loud whispering voice. “I’m nobody now and I can do whatever.”

“Okay, Viktor, if you say so.” Yuuri leaned the taller man against him as he pushed their first door open. “Now, can you get ready for bed by yourself or do you need help?”

“Yuuri, I’m not that bad!” He insisted, standing on his own as if to prove his point but Yuuri could see him swaying a little. “It’s no fair, you’re so good at drinking. I only had two.”

“Which is like six drinks worth of alcohol, isn’t it?”

“But you had like a hundred and you’re fine.” Viktor was whining now and Yuuri didn’t know what to do other than steer him into his room. When he opened Viktor’s door, Makkachin came barreling towards them and Viktor almost fell over himself petting the dog.

“I had four.” Yuuri left the door open. He’d have Makkachin sleep with him tonight since Viktor would not want to be disturbed in the morning. “Also, I paced myself.”

“I was sad!” Yuuri let Viktor strip down to his underwear but stopped him before he took more off then lead him to the bathroom to at least get his teeth washed.

“And why were you sad?”

“You weren’t talking to me and you didn’t even ask me to dance! And– and– and, umm, Chris kept flirting with you!”

“You’re the one who told me Chris is just like that.” Yuuri handed him a toothbrush with toothpaste on it and Viktor got to cleaning his teeth. That didn’t stop him from talking.

“Yuuri why don’t you wear your glasses when you dance?” Now his words were muffled and slurred. “Your glasses are so pretty.”

“I don’t want to see my audience,” Yuuri admitted, leaning against the bathroom’s door frame. “But I doubt you think they’re all that pretty.”

“The only thing prettier than your glasses is you.” Viktor insisted, still brushing his teeth.

“You can’t actually think that.” Yuuri looked at his feet, blushing.

“You’re wrong!” Viktor shouted, dropping his toothbrush into the sink to turn and look at Yuuri. It was half funny, he still had toothpaste in his mouth, and also half endearing how angry he was. He sounded a little childish when he spoke but Yuuri suspected his words were from the heart. “You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen.”

Yuuri wasn’t sure he could believe Viktor but let it pass, turning on the water and motioning for Viktor to finish with his teeth. When he did, Yuuri lead the other man to bed and forced him to get under the covers.

“Your hair is long,” Viktor commented, smiling lazily.

“I guess so,” Yuuri agreed. It was long enough now to fall into his eyes and usually, he would have cut it by now but he’d been too anxious about going to someone new to cut his hair to go through with it. “I need to get it cut soon.”

“No.” Viktor shook his head. “I like it… it looks good.”

Yuuri smiled, “Thanks.”

“Yuuri?” Viktor asked as Yuuri crossed the room, calling for Makkachin to follow him.

“Yah, Viktor?” He asked from the doorway.

“I really do think you’re pretty.”

“Thanks, Viktor.” Yuuri smiled down at himself, trying to remember if he’d ever been called pretty with the tone of voice Viktor was using. Sure, he was drunk, but Yuuri could still hear the meaning in his voice and it, well… “That means a lot.”

“Good night, Yuuri,” Viktor called as Yuuri shut the door.

“Good night, Viktor.” Yuuri smiled, shutting the door and sighing. Maybe he had only been here for a few months, but it was all starting to feel okay and maybe he was even happy.

He sort of thought he might like it here.

\---

_Dear Phichit,_

_I hope you know that I miss you every day. I miss having you to talk to at any moment when things were happening. Three months is a lot, isn’t it?_

_But, you know, what I said last time is still true. I’m really happy here, somehow._

_Viktor has gotten so much better. He’s so nice and gentle and I think I might really like him. If he hadn’t been so drunk tonight I think I might have gotten up the courage to kiss him, if I’m honest._

_And everyone is really nice here, at least the ones I’ve talked to. Tonight was really fun even though I don’t know what we were celebrating._

_I’m tired and going to end this letter for now, but I might add more before I send it!_

_Can’t wait to hear back from you and make sure you say hello to Seung-gil and Guang Hong for me. Has he made a move on Leo yet? Does Leo know about Guang Hong’s feelings? I feel like I’m missing so much but I hope you guys are really happy._

_With Love,  
Yuuri_


	5. If These Walls Had Hearts

With Viktor out of the mansion for some sort of work and winter rapidly approaching, Yuuri set off to investigate the mansion more thoroughly. He hoped he could find a room that was a little warmer than his bedroom or the dining room before he froze to death.

With Makkachin close at his heels, Yuuri made his way through the hallways only to be stopped at the greenhouse by three young women whose names were escaping him at the moment.

“Yuuri!” The redhead shouted, waving at him like he wasn’t only a couple of feet away from her. “It’s rare to see you out alone.”

“I’m looking around.” He explained, “I was hoping there was somewhere in the mansion that was warmer than my room.”

“Viktor did say you get cold easily,” The redhead said, looking at the other two women for a moment before turning to smile at Yuuri. “Don’t worry too much, winter begins soon and then they’ll turn the heat on.”

“Viktor mentioned that.” Yuuri felt awkward in this conversation partially because he’d barely talked to these women before and partially because he really couldn’t remember their names.

“Yuuri,” The shorter dark-haired woman raised an eyebrow. “You don’t remember our names, do you?”

When Yuuri just opened and closed his mouth dumbly they laughed, making him blush.

“I’m Mila.” The redhead smirked. “I know you like to use titles but you better not call me lady. I want us to be friends, okay?”

After he nodded, the shorter of the two dark-haired women spoke, the one who had purple eyes.

“I’m Sara. My brother is the serious guy who’s always yelling about everything.” She smiled, the look more comforting than Mila’s smirk. “We’re twins.”

“I’m Anya.” The last one introduced herself quickly, not even giving Yuuri a smile and instead looking over his shoulder. “And I need to go. See you guys later.”

Yuuri blinked, “What was that?”

“She constantly stays on the move,” Sara explained.

“To keep away from her ex.” Mila finished. “Georgi is a nice guy but he’s too attached and won’t just give up.”

“Speaking of attached, though…” Sara glanced at Yuuri. “Have you ever seen Viktor so carefree?”

“What do you mean?” Yuuri asked, not sure if he really should be getting into gossip or not. But he was interested.

“Oh, don’t worry too much about that.” Mila waved Yuuri away. “That’s not the exciting gossip.”

“Exciting gossip?”

“A court without gossip is like a party without alcohol.” Mile smirked. “Totally possible but not nearly as fun.”

“You guys aren’t exactly a court yet.”

“Not yet, but haven’t you heard what we’re called?” Sara raised an eyebrow at Yuuri, leaning a bit against Mila as she spoke. “The baby court. The kids’ court. Sometimes just the playpen. We might be young and not hold real titles, but like a kid is a human without power, we’re just a court with no power.”

“Okay, fine, what’s the exciting gossip?” Yuuri asked, caving to their smiles and smooth talking even if he thought Sara’s comparison didn’t actually mean anything. 

Yuuri knew it was a mistake to ask for gossip, especially pertaining to Viktor. He knew it was dangerous because he already had so many things he already thought to be true and it was a bad idea to get more information, which all could be false, to add to his conclusions.

“Hmm… what gossip should we start with?” Mila seemed to ask Sara.

“I don’t know, but isn’t gossip usually an exchange of information?” She smiled sweetly at Yuuri. “How about this, we tell you some interesting information and you answer our questions?”

“Do I get the gossip before or after the question is answered?”

“How about we give you some gossip to prove we have information, then you answer our question?” Sara offered.

Yuuri wasn’t sure if this was how gossip really worked, but he thought maybe it wasn’t that bad.

“Okay.”

“Chris will have sex with anything that moves.” Sara smiled, “But something you might not know is that he’s been trying to court a young man from another country since they were both fourteen.”

Mila spread her hands out as if to say ‘see what we’ve shown you?’

“We have information.”

“I believe you.” Yuuri gulped, “What’s your question.”

“Have you and Viktor had sex?”

At this Yuuri laughed. He didn’t realize the questions would be so easy. “No.”

“Bummer,” Mila said, digging through her pocket and pulling out her wallet. She pulled out money, which Yuuri thought was a lot but didn’t quite see the amounts for long enough to tell how much, and handed it to Sara. “How can you always tell?”

“I’m a wizard.” Sara smiled at Mila then turned to Yuuri. “Anya’s dating a man twice her age right now.” She lowered her eyelids, smiling wider. “And I’m pretty sure they’ve been doing it on the regular.”

“Would you like to play again, my friend?” Mila asked and Yuuri nodded, feeling like this was wrong but… well he thought that maybe if he played their game for long enough they’d tell him what they meant about Viktor being more carefree. “Have you ever thought about having sex with our dear Prince Viktor?”

Yuuri felt his cheeks turning red and his palms were suddenly sweaty. Had he been played into a corner by these two? They were the youngest, along with Mickey, of the ‘baby court’ but they also seemed to be the ones who’d already figured out how this world worked.

Yuuri sighed. He wanted information and this was apparently the way to do it so he’d just have to suck it up and hope that Viktor didn’t trade in gossip like Sara and Mila did.

“Yes.”

“Nice.” She winked at him, nudging Sara who only rolled her eyes. “Hmm… JJ claims Isabella is the only one he’s ever been with but that’s a lie.”

“Even more interesting,” Sara chimed in. “Isabella says she’s been with men before JJ but that’s also a lie.”

“What isn’t a lie is that she’s been with other people before JJ.” Mila yawned. “Now, we have time for one more round.”

“Do you love Viktor?” A voice asked from behind Yuuri, who turned to find Georgi waiting in the doorway of the greenhouse.

“What?”

“You heard the man.” Mila smiled. “Answer the question.”

Yuuri thought for a long time. Consciously his answer was no but when he started to answer that, something felt off about it. He knew that no was the logical answer for where he and Viktor were right now but he couldn’t quite bring himself to say that.

Did he love Viktor?

How did he even feel about Viktor? Yuuri honestly wasn’t sure because he was still confused. Viktor was amazing when he was being himself, when he was just being Viktor, but there were times when he would put on a mask and try to be someone else. It was those times that Yuuri felt almost afraid, afraid he didn’t really know Viktor. What if the Viktor he thought was real was not and he’d just convinced himself of as much because he liked that Viktor?

“I don’t know.” He answered truthfully, “Is that an okay answer.”

“Yes, it is.” Georgi came to stand by the three of them. “None of you should be gossiping, it’s wrong.”

“Georgi, don’t be a spoilsport.” Mila frowned, “It’s just an exchange of information.”

“It’s gossip and if you’re not careful, someone is going to get hurt.” Georgi looked at Yuuri, sizing him up. “You want your Viktor gossip? Well, he’s dated plenty of people in the past and even had two fiancés before you.”

The Georgi left without another word, Yuuri’s blood running cold.

“Don’t mind him.” Sara insisted, “He’s still upset about Anya and he doesn’t like to see other people happy.”

“And he might not say it but he cares about Viktor.” Mila crossed her arms. “I think that was his way of telling you that if you’re not good enough for Viktor then you’ll be out of here soon. It wasn’t necessarily him saying whether he thought you were good enough or not.”

“Yah…” Yuuri felt a little shaken by the interaction and turned to leave. “Thanks for talking, but I’m going to go for now.”

“Wait, your information,” Mila called. “Georgi’s thing is kind of common knowledge and hardly seemed like it’s equivalent to what you told us.”

Mila and Sara seemed to think for a moment before turning and nodding at each other.

“Viktor has a… let’s call it a _thing_ for people with dark hair and glasses.” Sara informed him.

“But more than that,” Mila continued. “He’s really hot on people with long hair.”

“Thanks you guys.” Yuuri said with a strained smile, “I’m going to go now.”

\---

When he got back to his bedroom he got in bed, feeling sick.

Was that why Viktor had picked him? Because Yuuri fit some type? But if Yuuri fit that type then that meant he’d be thrown away just like everyone else before him. Just like everyone else, Viktor was just using him. He would probably keep Yuuri around and refuse to help Hasetsu for as long as possible and the moment he couldn’t wait any longer, Yuuri would be sent home and Hasetsu would be destroyed.

Was that really what it all meant? Had he really only told Yuuri to grow out his hair so he could fit into some weirdly specific fetish Viktor had?

Yuuri let out a string of curses, pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes.

How could he be so stupid? He should have known he was just a fling, just temporary. He should have known because of course, that’s all he was. When he thought about it, it all seemed so obvious because who would ever want him?

He laughed bitterly into the quiet room, trying not to cry because it was so obvious.

Because who would actually think he was pretty?

\---

_Phichit,_

_I love you a lot, you know that right?_

_Viktor was away this week for… something with The King._

_Just so you know, I might be seeing you again sooner than I thought._

_Love,  
Yuuri_


	6. Winter

Viktor was really starting to feel like he would never understand Yuuri.

He thought he knew what Yuuri wanted and how he felt. More importantly, Viktor thought he knew what Yuuri wanted from him and how Yuuri felt about him. But now he wasn’t so sure.

Ever since Viktor returned from his trip to see Yakov, more accurately he’d gone to be reprimanded by The King for four days then have one day of actual Princely duties, Yuuri had been distant. When Viktor returned he expected Makkachin to be the one who was most excited to see him but he thought, for sure, that after his beloved dog Yuuri would be the next most excited. Viktor just thought that was their relationship.

When Yuuri had first moved into the mansion, Viktor worried they’d never get close and that Yuuri only saw him as some perfect prince. Or maybe even just someone attractive who he’d like to look at. Viktor wasn’t sure he was bothered by either of those things, he could be the perfect prince and he could be just a pretty face, but it turned out that wasn’t what Yuuri wanted from him. Sure, when they danced together Yuuri had said a lot of things about Viktor’s appearance but he’d also made it pretty clear that the reason he wanted to be with Viktor was that he thought Viktor was a good person.

Viktor hadn’t been considered a good person since he was a child. A good prince, maybe, but not a good person. He used to feel comfortable with his friends, who had lived with him and Yura since they were both young, but now they felt like a constant press of expectation. Even though they had been his friends since some of them were born, so many of the people who would one day make up his court saw him as just a promising future king. Or as a pretty face. Chris and Mila were really the only ones whose presence didn’t make Viktor feel like he was being measured and judged but even they had their moments. And Viktor knew they both liked to gossip, especially Mila.

Gossip was a common occurrence in any group of people and especially in courts. Or, at least the courts Viktor had seen which weren’t really that many. Even so, he learned quickly that he hated gossip. It was almost always tinged with misinformation and hyperbole. It was often at least half wrong. It was usually hurtful to someone.

It was no secret that he and Yura didn’t have fathers and that their shared mother the daughter of The King. Viktor had never known his father, the man had disappeared before Viktor was born. Yura’s father, on the other hand, had been one of the reasons Yakov finally said enough was enough and rallied the people to fight a civil war. If Yura’s father hadn’t been nobility and if Yura’s paternal grandfather hadn’t decided to make an example out of Yura’s mother, then Viktor doubted Yakov would have been interested in civil war. He definitely wouldn’t have been interested in being king. Even now, Viktor could sense the older man wanted to pass the title to Viktor as soon as possible so he could go back to his quiet life in the countryside.

All of that was to say, Viktor and Yura were, technically, bastards and not everyone in court hid their displeasure with this fact. Some thought that Viktor’s probably commoner father meant he was perfect for kingship in this new, more equal world. Others thought that Yura’s partially noble blood, legitimate or not, made him more fit to be king. A few thought neither should be and that JJ was the obvious next choice for king.

Viktor had lived his life surrounded by hurtful gossip, gossip that had left his younger self in tears and had torn Yura apart even if the younger prince pretended he didn’t care about it. But Viktor couldn’t unsee the explosive anger that would quickly turn to seemingly unending tears which could only be calmed through a combination of Yakov’s presence and Lilia’s murmured comforting. Occasionally they needed the help of the knight-in-training who was the only person Yura would call his friend.

So, Viktor hated gossip. He didn't begrudge the other’s their gossip because he understood that was just what they knew, and that there wasn’t really much else to do in their lives, but he didn't want any part of it.

Until now.

He didn’t understand why Yuuri seemed to be avoiding him. He flinched away from Viktor’s touch and had reverted back to the way he acted before they’d started their walks together. Even on their walks, often much shorter because Yuuri couldn’t handle the cold weather for long, Yuuri was demure.

Viktor almost went to Georgi, the only person he felt like he could trust other than Yura not to gossip, to see if he knew anything but held back. He wouldn’t let his uncertainty change how he had always acted. He wasn’t going to start gossiping now, and about his fiancé of all people, simply because he was confused.

But what could have happened while he was in The Capital?

\---

“Hi Yuuri, I didn’t know–” Viktor blinked at his fiancé, slowly taking in his new hairstyle. “You cut your hair.”

“Yes.” Yuuri responded, looking at the floor. He looked like he was trying to hide behind bangs he didn’t have. “It was getting long.”

“That’s fine.” Viktor smiled. “I liked it longer but I like it however you like it.”

“You liked it longer.” Yuuri seemed to be trying to ask a question but it didn’t come out like that.

“Yah… I told you I did.” Viktor felt uncomfortable and unable to understand why Yuuri would do something so drastic. “I’m not, like, angry. Just surprised.”

“I’m sorry if you don’t like it.” Yuuri responded but Viktor could feel that he had other words he wanted to say. Angry words that would burn Viktor and would tell Viktor exactly what Yuuri was actually thinking. Viktor found he craved that kind of burning because then, at least, he’d understand what Yuuri was thinking.

“It’s not up to me, you can do whatever you want.” Viktor heard the flippancy in his voice and saw Yuuri flinch. He wished he could take back his words but instead he just continued. “Just my input as your fiancé.” 

“Sorry.” Yuuri apologized again. “Did you want to go for that walk?”

“I was thinking maybe we should stay inside today.” Viktor offered, “It’s getting pretty cold outside.”

“Thank you.”

Yuuri smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. When Viktor moved towards Yuuri, he shrunk away. When Viktor spoke louder than a whisper, Yuuri seemed to jump.

Had he done something to scare Yuuri or had he just been imagining their closeness in the past few months? Had their week apart given Yuuri the time alone he needed to realize that Viktor was a disappointment who didn’t deserve any of Yuuri’s time or attention? Maybe Yuuri had someone at home he cared about and he’d finally realized he couldn’t live without them.

Maybe Viktor was an asshole for keeping Yuuri here.

“I wanted to talk to you, anyways.” Viktor smiled, his eyes mirroring Yuuri’s in their bleakness. “Why don’t we go find somewhere to talk?”

Yuuri only nodded, waiting until Viktor moved to follow him. Even when they sat down, Viktor had brought Yuuri to the library in hopes that it would be quiet and empty, Yuuri wouldn’t look Viktor in the eyes.

Viktor hated this.

“What did you want to talk about?” Yuuri asked, looking at his lap.

“The reason I wanted to help Hasetsu was because it was the first place that came to us with a real problem since Yakov made a promise of aid to anyone who could win my hand.” Viktor sighed, not sure why he thought this would make things better. Telling Yuuri his motives would probably only make him feel worse. “Everyone else was just looking for money or power and I guess… I guess I was idealistic and wanted people to care about more than that but maybe that’s wrong to think. I lived a lot of my life with money and power but before that, I had very little so I guess I never understood the appeal of money and power because it never made me happy…” Viktor laughed bitterly, “That isn’t my point.”

“Then what is your point?” Yuuri asked, his words harsh but his face saying that he genuinely meant them.

“My point is I really wanted to help Hasetsu, that’s why I asked for you to return.” Viktor decided to skip over the words Yuuri had whispered in his ear when he did return. Yuuri had never brought them up again so Viktor had to assume that for as much as they had meant to him, they hadn’t meant much to Yuuri. “I’ll ask The King to continue helping Hasetsu but… it’s not fair to keep you here so… I’m breaking off our engagement.”

For a long time, Viktor couldn’t look at Yuuri and he only looked up when Yuuri stood suddenly. When he looked up at his ex-fiancé Yuuri had tears in his eyes and he had a look on his face that said he had always expected this. But why would he have expected this? Viktor thought he wanted this or, at least, didn’t want to be with Viktor anymore.

“Hasetsu will still–” Viktor started but suddenly Yuuri was on the move, hurrying out of the library without a word to Viktor.

Stunned, all Viktor could do was sit there, staring at the now closed door and wondering what he’d done wrong.

The only answer he came up with was that he always screwed everything up.


	7. Fever

When Viktor wandered back to his room, he found Makkachin was gone and the door to Yuuri’s room was slightly ajar. Obviously his dog had fallen for Yuuri just like Viktor had. He could only imagine how upset Makkachin would be when Yuuri left.

Almost as upset as he would be.

Sighing, Viktor sat at his window to watch the snow that was coming down outside. Makkachin could sleep with Yuuri every night for all Viktor cared. Viktor obviously deserved to be alone since he couldn’t keep a single person around very long. Not his past fiancés, not Yuuri, and not his father.

“Prince!” Viktor turned to see one of the Mansion’s knights, a tall young man named Emil, looking out of breath and upset.

“What’s wrong?” Viktor asked, standing to walk over to Emil.

“Aah, Mr. Katsuki ran out of the mansion suddenly. We tried to find him but in the snow, we lost his footprints.

“Yuuri?” Viktor pushed past Emil, going to Yuuri’s room. “What are you talking about, he’s in his roo–”

Viktor’s words were lost as he looked at Yuuri’s bedroom. It looked like it did pretty much every morning. The bed was unmade and one of his drawers was still open like he’d been in a rush to get dressed. On his bed was Makkachin, who raised her head to look sadly at Viktor. When she saw who it was, Makkachin whined and put her head back down, obviously waiting for Yuuri to come back. Viktor knew he always brought her something from the kitchen after breakfast and that’s why she waited for him there. He just never even thought that Yuuri wouldn’t be in there with her.

“Where did he leave from?” Viktor asked, turning back to Emil.

“The side doors, near the gardens.” Emil looked genuinely upset and Viktor realized he had no clue what Yuuri’s relationship was like with the other people in the mansion. “Prince, he wasn’t wearing much. With the snow…”

“I know,” Viktor said, turning to get a coat and some shoes from his room. “Tell people to keep looking. He wasn’t wearing shoes so he couldn’t have gone far.”

“Prince are you–”

“It’s my fault, Emil.” Viktor looked at the knight, his face more stricken than Emil had ever seen it. The last time anyone had seen Viktor look that upset was probably the time when he was younger that he came barreling into the knight’s quarters looking for Otabek because something was wrong with Yuri. “I’m the reason he’s out there and I have to go find him. Make sure his room is warm and get blankets ready.”

“Yes, sir,” Emil said, rushing out of the room to find someone to give those jobs to.

“I’m sorry, Yuuri.” Viktor murmured to himself. “I’ll fix this.”

\---

Yuuri knew the moment he left the mansion this had been stupid but he hadn’t really been thinking straight. The thing was, he didn’t want to go back to his room because it was right next to Viktor’s. He didn't want to stay in the mansion at all because there were too many prying eyes. He hadn’t really thought through the fact that it was snowing and cold, but in the cloud of the panic, he felt at Viktor breaking off their engagement he hadn’t really had the ability to think.

Now, he was sitting somewhere in the gardens as the snow came down harder. He’d lost his way in the twisting paths of the garden, the snow making it hard to see where he was going.

The moment he stepped outside, the snow had soaked through his socks and at this point, his entire outfit was soaked. He’d been wearing warm clothes, even with the heat on the mansion was still too cold for him, but they weren’t made for the snow. He could feel himself shivering and it was getting hard to move his fingers but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

He wondered if this was what he deserved.

He should have seen this all coming and it was his inability to accept the fact that what he had with Viktor would end that lead to where he was now. If he’d just accepted that they’d eventually not be an ‘us’ or a ‘we’ then this would have been easier. He could have just enjoyed their lasts weeks together and then gone home with a story and a new perspective on life.

“Fuck,” He murmured into the snow, half hoping to get a response. “I want to go home. I don’t want this anymore. I want to be where people care about me. I don’t want to be tricked anymore or just be a placeholder in someone’s life.” He felt like crying but at the moment, no tears came. “I want someone who can love me and I don’t want to be used. I never asked for this life and I just want to go home.” The wind turned and started to blow snow into his eyes so he closed them. “I wanted this to work out so badly.”

“Yuuri!”

Yuuri tried to open his eyes but the icy cold of the snow made him shut them again. In the growing haze of his thoughts, he couldn’t tell who was calling out to him but he imagined it was Phichit or his mother. Maybe Yuuko or his dad. He could even imagine it as Takeshi, here because Yuuko told him to go to the mansion and save Yuuri.

“Yuuri?” Yuuri opened his eyes a little bit but could only see a vague shape of someone tall. And everyone here was tall as far as he could tell. “Yuuri, thank god. I’m going to get you back inside, okay?”

Yuuri forced his eyes open and saw it was Viktor, or maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him right now. He was reaching for Yuuri and Yuuri, his mind fuzzy and confused, decided it should be anyone but Viktor.

“No!” He shouted struggling as Viktor tried to grab onto him. This was about the point that, in the future, Yuuri’s memories became fuzzy and disconnected. “Leave me alone!”

“Yuuri I’m here to help.”

“Haven’t you helped enough?”

Viktor paused, looking at Yuuri for a long time as his heart broke because Yuuri was right. Hadn’t he helped enough?

“Someone help me!” He called out into the snow. “I found him.”

Viktor turned back Yuuri, pulling the bag off his back that he’d put dry clothes into. Pulling out a blanket, he threw it around Yuuri even as he still struggled.

“This is for your own good.” Viktor murmured. “Please, Yuuri.”

“No.” Yuuri sounded like he was crying and Viktor didn’t know what to do. “Stop! Just let me go home.”

“Don’t worry, Yuuri.” Viktor murmured as people began moving towards him. “You’ll go home.” He turned in the direction of the mansion. “Over here!”

\---

“How is he?” At this point, Viktor was surprised to say that he didn’t feel anything as he waited for the doctor to finish with Yuuri. He’d expected to be anxious or at least angry but instead, he felt nothing.

“He’ll be fine.” The doctor looked at Viktor for a long time like he was deciding what to say. “He has a fever but once it breaks, he’ll be fine. You’re lucky you found him as quickly as you did.”

“Thank you,” Viktor said, not moving even when the doctor motioned that he could go inside Yuuri’s room.

“Prince, you can go see him if you want.”

“I don’t think he wants me there.”

“Whatever he said to you out in the snow shouldn’t be taken too seriously. He may not have even known it was you.”

“Okay… thank you.” Viktor repeated, this time moving around the doctor to enter Yuuri’s room.

Makkachin was laying on the floor next to Yuuri, having obviously been told she wasn’t allowed on the bed. A chair was already set up next to where Yuuri was laying, his eyes partially opened as he stared at the ceiling.

“Yuuri,” Viktor called out, walking slowly to sit next to his feverish ex-fiancé. “It’s Viktor.”

“Why are you here?” He asked, his voice strained even though Viktor was sitting next to him at this point.

“Because you’re sick and I was worried.” Viktor didn’t know what he should say to Yuuri. “It’s my fault you’re sick.”

“Not your fault,” Yuuri mumbled. “My fault… too attached again.”

“What was that?” Viktor asked leaning in closer.

“If I hadn’t thought you cared about me, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Yuuri, I did– I do care about you.”

But Yuuri wasn’t listening and he continued talking like Viktor hadn’t spoken. “I just want to go home. Everything there is easier.”

“You can go home–”

“I never should have gotten comfortable–”

“I’m not going to force you to stay.”

“I never should have thought you cared–”

“I do care–”

“I never should have thought I could love you.”

“You… what?”

“I never should have thought you could love me. Why would you love me? Why would you care about me.” Unlike in the snow, now Yuuri was crying. “You said I was pretty but you were drunk and I should have _known_ you weren’t serious. I was the one who was stupid for not realizing _we_ were never a thing. It’s my fault for getting invested when I should have realized there was nothing for me to get invested in.”

“Yuuri, none of that’s true.”

“I was naïve.”

“When we first danced together, the day we first met–”

“I should have known–”

“You told me I was a good person–”

“Someone like you would never–”

“Nobody has ever called me a good person–”

“Care about someone like me.”

“I thought maybe I could love you–”

“You’re pretty and interesting–”

“I thought you could love me too–”

“But I’m ugly and worthless.”

“When nobody has ever loved me.”

“I thought–” They both paused as their words overlapped, both seeming to forget what they thought as the other’s words seeped into their consciousness. 

For Yuuri, it was hard to concentrate on Viktor words and his memory was spotty at best. He couldn’t quite believe what he thought he was hearing though. Was Viktor really talking about love or was this just because Yuuri was sick?

“Yuuri, you’re not worthless.” Viktor didn’t know how to handle Yuuri’s words or his tears. “And you’re definitely not ugly.”

“Then why?” Yuuri asked.

“Why what?”

“Then why did you break it off? How can you stand there and say you like me when you already tried to throw me away once? If you really cared about me, then you wouldn’t do this to me!”

Yuuri rolled over, refusing to look at Viktor.

“I–” Viktor started but then paused, trying to collect his thoughts. Seconds turned to minutes and soon Yuuri was asleep and Viktor still hadn’t responded to Yuuri even though he knew he should. He just had no idea how to explain that he thought he’d been doing the right thing. He couldn’t explain how he was trying to help.

 _“Haven’t you helped enough?”_ Yuuri’s words rang in Viktor’s mind and he sighed, pulling a blanket over Yuuri and wiping off his forehead with the wet rag on Yuuri’s bedside table.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured before taking his leave and wondering how he could fix this. And wondering if he could fix it.

He thought, though, that he wanted to fix it because he thought that maybe, just maybe, he was in love with Yuuri.


	8. Heartbeats

Yuuri sat alone by a fireplace, wrapped in blankets to protect against the frigid temperatures that had set in. It was mid-December and Yuuri wasn’t completely sure he could survive until spring.

In front of this fire with three layers of clothes and two blankets, though, he felt warm.

He’d been there for more than an hour, curled up in a big chair reading the last book he’d brought with him from home. He’d already read it, but it was the only book he brought that he hadn’t either read for the first time or reread since he arrived in the mansion.

His fever had broken a few days earlier and this was the first day the doctor had lifted his requirement that Yuuri get rest, declaring the young man healthy.

Yuuri still felt a little weak from his fever but other than that, he felt a lot better.

“Yuuri?” The voice of Viktor sounded from the entrance of the room, quiet and uncertain.

“Yes?” Yuuri put his book down and turned to look at Viktor.

The tall man was standing in the doorway, looking uncertainly at Yuuri.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

Yuuri only vaguely remembered their conversation while he was feverish but he thought he remembered one of them talking about love. He was anxious just thinking of the possibility that he told Viktor he loved him, worried Viktor would make a rash decision because Yuuri had recently been sick.

“We should talk,” Viktor said, walking slowly towards Yuuri. “Now that you’re feeling better.”

“Prince, you shouldn’t feel bad just because I was sick.” Viktor flinched when Yuuri called him prince but Yuuri didn’t notice. He was too busy looking at his lap.

“I don’t… I mean, I do feel bad because it was my fault but… I’m not changing anything I said because I… pity you.”

“You made it very clear how you felt about me when we talked before I got sick.” They were both carefully avoiding how Yuuri got sick, neither of them wanting to talk about it. “And you didn’t do anything wrong, so please don’t think any of what happened was your fault.”

“Yuuri… I thought we were close.” Viktor finally said, sitting down across from Yuuri. “Before I went to The Capital we were close, weren’t we? Or was I imagining that?”

“I–” Yuuri faltered, not expecting Viktor’s words at all. “No, I guess we were close.”

“Then why? What happened?” Viktor seemed to be pleading with Yuuri now, his eyes more upset than Yuuri had ever imagined they could be. “What did I do wrong?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Yuuri admitted. “I just realized that I was putting too much stock into my own emotions and not thinking about how you viewed our relationship.”

“And how did I view our relationship?” Viktor asked more venom in his voice than he expected. But his emotions were coming back in full force now, a mixture of sadness, confusion, and anger. “Please enlighten me.”

Yuuri flinched away from Viktor’s words and he immediately regretted them. “I’m very similar to your past fiancés. I know that now and that’s what made me realize I wasn’t anything special to you. How could I ever think I was special to you?” Yuuri didn’t want to say all this out loud but if he and Viktor were really going to never see each other again, he decided to just go all the way in. “You said you liked my hair long because you like people with long, dark hair. You told me I was pretty because you wanted something from me. We had fun together but it was just a fling. I should have seen it coming when you broke off our engagement but I still wasn’t prepared.”

“Who knew you could be so selfish and stupid.” Viktor spit, his mouth a thin line. “Did you ever even think about asking me how I feel instead of assuming it based on, I guess, rumors?”

“It’s not like that–”

“Yes, it is!” Viktor felt tears pushing at his eyes but he refused to cry. He was angry and he wasn’t going to cry. “Hasetsu wanted help because they were in trouble and that was the first time I’d ever heard anyone ask for help from us.”

Viktor remembered the first time he saw Yuuri well because he’d been intrigued by him the moment those three dancers stepped out in front of him. He knew the girl had been his intended but Yuuri had been something else.

“And you were beautiful. I had to see you again and that’s why I asked you to dance at our party. And you were even more beautiful that night but that wasn’t why–” His breath caught and he took a shaky breath to calm himself down. “You got drunk. We all knew you were drunk but it didn’t seem to do much to you other than make you more confident. You asked me to dance—nobody had ever asked me to dance like you did, a confident smirk coupled with sparkling eyes—and I couldn't say no. I’d never had that much fun in my life and Yuuri, you were the reason why.”

Viktor bit his lip, feeling like an idiot as he explained how much that night had meant to him. A night that Yuuri had never mentioned again like he was ashamed of it or like it meant nothing to him.

“I asked you if you liked me and you said you did. I asked you why and you said I was pretty and _nice_.” Viktor didn't know how to feel as Yuuri looked at him with confusion in his eyes. “You told me I was a good person. Nobody had ever told me I was nice or a good person. Nobody ever made me feel like you made me feel.”

Yuuri just looked at him and Viktor felt like an idiot because obviously, that night hadn’t meant anything to Yuuri. Probably, he’d been trying to get Viktor to help Hasetsu and nothing else.

“I asked you if you would like to marry me and you said you’d love to and I–” He couldn't stop himself from crying, the memory feeling fake and flimsy now. “I love my grandfather and I love my brother. I loved my mom. But… I’ve never loved someone romantically. I’ve never felt that spark that so many people talked about but with you–”

He wiped angrily at his tears, wanting them to stop. Wanting Yuuri to say anything while he spilled his heart.

“I think I love you but I don’t know because I don’t know if this is what love feels like. But we got so close and I felt so good, so happy, and I thought it would all work out but now… You got all distant and now you’re calling me Prince again and I guess… it just seemed so obvious that you didn’t care about me like that.”

His heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly. The last time he felt like this was while watching Yura dissolve into tears that seemed to have no end. Viktor didn’t know what to do now because then he’d been able to fix it. He’d found Otabek and told him to go take care of Yura because Yakov and Lilia’s words had done nothing. Now he had no idea what to do to make the squeezing stop.

“That’s why I said I’d still help Hasetsu but that I’d let you go home. I just– I just wanted you to be happy.”

The room was silent for a long time, Yuuri looking confused and uncertain in the face of Viktor’s words and tears. Bitterly, Viktor laughed to himself about how obviously he wasn’t the only one bad at dealing with other people’s tears.

“Viktor, I don’t–” Yuuri laughed, but it was an awkward, uncomfortable laugh. “That night, when I danced with you… I don’t remember saying any of that. I didn’t know I told you that. I didn’t know–” Now Yuuri was laughing harder, the sound verging on hysterical. “I didn’t know. I thought– I really thought–”

“Yuuri?” Viktor reached out to Yuuri and suddenly, Yuuri reached out to grab his hand. “Yuuri?”

“Viktor.” Yuuri smiled at him and Viktor could see he was crying. “I never thought someone like you could love me.”

“I do love you.” Viktor tightened his grip on Yuuri. “I really do.”

“Me too,” Yuuri admitted. “I’m sorry for making assumptions.” 

“Me too,” Viktor replied weakly. “Sorry for making you feel like I didn’t care about you.”

Yuuri stood, pulling Viktor to his feet. “I guess we need to start over again.”

Viktor laughed, “Maybe a little.” He bit his lip, smirking at Yuuri. “My name’s Viktor, what’s yours?”

“I’m Yuuri.” He paused, “Would you like to dance”

“Of course.”

Yuuri put a hand on Viktor’s waist and grabbed his hand, Viktor putting his other hand carefully on Yuuri’s arm. In time to music that wasn’t playing, they moved slowly around the room. Yuuri was a dancer by trade and Viktor had been trained to dance since Yakov took the throne so it was easy to do a basic waltz even without music. Especially since Yuuri had taken the lead and Viktor was more than happy to allow him to just push their dance forward.

“I was afraid because I got comfortable then I started to think about how much better you could do. I thought I might be in love with you but then my anxiety got the better of me and I convinced myself you were just using me. It was easier that way because I thought then it would be easier when you broke up with me. I never realized I was the one pushing us apart.”

“I know it might be hard to believe, but I could never do better than you.” Yuuri blinked up at Viktor and Viktor smiled, shifting his hands so he was leading instead. “I’ve never felt this way about someone before. I don’t– I never really saw myself as a good person and you said I was and that meant so much to me. It felt like you were the first person to really see me as just me.”

“You were never anything to me but Viktor, not really.” Yuuri smiled shyly at Viktor’s chest. “Sure, I knew you were the crown prince but I never really paid much attention to gossip from The Capital. I’m not a noble so it never seemed to affect me.”

“Yuuri?”

“Yah?”

“Umm… can I kiss you?”

Yuuri looked up, his face caught between surprise and uncertainty. His gaze was met with a happy but uncertain look on Viktor’s face. Viktor looked so genuinely uncertain but also so genuinely hopeful, that Yuuri wondered how he’d ever thought this wasn’t real.

“Can I ask you something first?” Yuuri finally asked.

“What?” Viktor’s smile faded a little, fear replacing his uncertainty.

“Will you marry me?”

Viktor smiled widely. “Yes, of course, I’ll marry you.”

“Good.” Yuuri smiled matter-of-factly before leaning up to kiss Viktor. It was a short kiss and when they broke apart, both men looked stupidly happy. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Viktor responded before leaning back in for another, longer kiss.


	9. The Quiet of Winter

Yuuri was uncertain as he waited alone outside of the wedding reception.

He was still in the traditional garb for a wedding of Hasetsu’s Northerner population. It wasn’t much different from the kimono he wore for dancing in the Northern style, except that he couldn’t put it on by himself. Yuuko and his mom had been the two who helped him, with Takeshi and his dad being shoed away because neither would stop crying. Takeshi was especially bad, trying to pretend he wasn’t crying even though there were obviously tears streaming down his cheeks and he kept saying things like ‘they grow up so fast’ even though Takeshi wasn’t that much older than Yuuri. Not to mention he and Yuuko were set to be married in a few months.

Yuuri smiled at the memory and at the memory of the wedding itself. Viktor had been in a simple suit that fit him beautiful. His hair, which he hadn’t cut in a few months at this point, was just long enough to decorate with flowers, which was apparently a tradition of his ancestors.

The King had been there, along with The Queen, and he hadn’t stopped crying the entire time. Really, everyone had been a mess for the ceremony. On Yuuri’s side his parents, Yuuko, Takeshi, Minami, and Phichit had cried through the ceremony. On Viktor’s side The King, Mila, Chris, and Georgi has been obviously crying. Yuuri even thought he saw Prince Yuri rubbing his eyes.

Viktor had also cried, at one point his voice so muffled that he almost couldn’t say his vows. Yuuri had laughed at that and Viktor had pouted, but then he laughed too and the ceremony had to be paused again because they were both laughing too hard to say their vows.

“Dear husband.” Viktor appeared next to Yuuri, his clothes the same but his hair decorated with only one flower now. “I’m ready.”

Yuuri laughed a little. “Dear husband?”

“I just love calling you my husband,” Viktor said, nuzzling into Yuuri’s neck, his breath tickling Yuuri. 

“Okay, okay, enough.” Yuuri laughed, pushing him away. “I get it.”

“I love you, Yuuri,” Viktor said, kissing his husband on the cheek. “And I’m so happy right now.”

“Me too.” Yuuri smiled fondly at his husband. “Are you ready for our first dance?”

“You bet I am!” He smiled widely, nearly vibrating with excitement. “Are you?”

“It’ll be nice to get moving. How is it always so cold here?”

“Yuuri, what about me?” Viktor whined. “Are you ready to dance with me.”

Yuuri laughed again, putting an arm around Viktor’s waist. “Of course.”

“I’m glad.” Viktor kissed the top of Yuuri’s head. “I’m so glad.”

“Me too.” The stood in silence for a long moment before Yuuri cracked a smile. “But really, who has a wedding in January when it’s below freezing?”

“That’s why we have heat, Yuuri!”

“It’s still cold.”

“Guess I’ll have to warm you up.” Viktor smiled wickedly at Yuuri, who returned the smile.

“Guess you will.”

“Are you two ready?” They both jumped at Chris’ voice, their matching blushed making Chris smile knowingly. “You’ll both have time for that later, right now I need to know if we should announce you or not.”

“Yes, Chris, please do,” Viktor said, Yuuri letting go of his waist so they could hold hands instead.

“Okay you two, keep it together for a little longer. Then you can mysteriously disappear.”

“You’re the worst,” Viktor informed his friend, but Chris was already gone.

“Are you ready, Yuuri?”

“I am. Are you, Viktor?”

“I am.”

They waited, silently holding onto each other like they were the only people left in the world. They waited for what seemed like an eternity but then, finally, they were announced.

Yuuri took a deep breath, ran a hand through his hair, then looked up at Viktor who was smiling at him.

Then, finally, they stepped into the bright reception hall, together.


End file.
